Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
The nurse said to the doctor, "There's an invisible man in the waiting room." The doctor replied, "Tell him I can't see him now."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.
I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."
Do you know about the two TV antennas that got married? The wedding was terrible, but the reception was terrific.
Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back ...