INSULTS SMS

☻You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

☻Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

☻I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

☻I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

☻I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

☻Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

☻I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!



☻You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

☻Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

☻You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

☻You! Off my planet!

☻See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

☻Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

☻Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

☻You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

☻I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

☻Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

☻Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?

☻When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?

☻You're so bent you make roundabouts look straight!

☻I've seen better hands on a leper!

☻This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

☻You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

☻I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

☻You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.

☻So now we know why some mammals eat their children...

☻His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall
- Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen

☻There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

☻He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
- Unknown

☻A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
- Tom Shale on Robin Williams

☻If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
- Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

☻God does not play dice with the universe.
- Albert Einstien

☻She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
- Dwight McDonald on Doris Day

☻If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- President Harry S Truman

☻Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W C Fields

☻He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
- S J Perelman on Groucho Marx

☻Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
- Abbey Hoffman

☻Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
- Don Rickles

☻Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
- Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

☻The thief of bad gags.
- Walter Winchell on Milton Berne

☻I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
- Ronald Reagan

☻He's proof that there's life after death.
- Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan

☻The only genius with an IQ of 60.
- Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol

☻He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
- Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier

☻She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them.
- Joan Rivers on Bo Derek

☻For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Bob Wells

☻Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.
- Screen Tester on Fred Astaire

☻An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf.
- Ross Perot on Dan Quayle

☻Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
- Rex Reed on Marlon Brando

☻He could start a row in an empty house
- Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise

☻When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire?
- Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger

☻Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
- George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

☻He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron.
- Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone

☻What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?
- Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

☻Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

☻A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

☻Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

☻He's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

☻Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

☻One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.

☻Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree

☻A donut short of being a cop

☻A few feathers short of a whole duck.

☻From the British Army? Are you sure you're not from the Salvation Army?

☻Which village is missing its idiot?.

☻A Titanic intellect ... In a world full of icebergs

☻A few clowns short of a circus

☻A few beads short in her rosary.

☻As a failure, you are a great success.

☻You would be out of your depth in a car park puddle.

☻As bright as Alaska in December.

☻He's several sausages short of a barbecue. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

☻He's so dense, light bends around him

☻She's one tit short of an udder

☻He'll be doing joined up writing next

☻Whose brain will be donated to science and rejected?

☻He's a day late and a dollar short.

☻All Preparation, no H

☻College letters other than I.O.U

☻The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't anywhere in sight

☻You should request a refund from your university.

☻Who's several apples short of a bunch?

☻Whose doughnut is out of jam?