Funny SMS Jokes

☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

☻I'm good at math, U+I=69

☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy.

☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.

☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw.

☻Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

☻Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

☻Baicarumba...are those real?

☻Be unique and different, just say yes.

☻Can I flirt with you?

☻Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

☻Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

☻Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

☻Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

☻Greetings and salivations

☻Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

☻I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

☻If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?

☻Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

☻That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

☻Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

☻Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that cake you just ate.

☻I wonder what our children will look like.

☻I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won't kiss off?

☻If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

☻If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town.

☻If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".

☻It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me?

☻Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy?

☻That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

☻The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

☻There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass.

☻There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.

☻Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

☻You're so hot, your ass is on fire.

☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

☻What time do you have to be back in heaven?

☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

☻Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

☻Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

☻Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

☻Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day.

☻Got two nipples for a dime?

☻Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you.

☻Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

☻Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

☻I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

☻I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.

☻Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!

☻You're eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea.

☻You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

☻You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

☻Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

☻Do you want to see something swell?

☻Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

☻Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

☻Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

☻Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

☻Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

☻I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

☻If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

☻If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

☻Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

☻Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word.

☻You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

☻Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

☻Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?

☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

☻I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down.

☻I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking?

☻I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

☻I'm betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.

☻Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

☻Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good.

☻When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

☻Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

☻You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I'll do it your way

☻You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

☻You know the Power company is looking for you coz you're so electrifying.

☻You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet.

☻You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can't stop ya

☻As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

☻I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

☻Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

☻Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more?

☻Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

☻Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

☻Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

☻Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

☻Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

☻I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince

☻Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

☻Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

☻For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

☻Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.

☻Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.

☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

☻Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.

☻Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk"

☻Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor

☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."

☻I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

☻I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

☻I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

☻If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"

☻The only thing that matters is that we're together.

☻I'msorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. .

☻Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

☻Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

☻I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

☻Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

☻Say, did we go to different schools together?

☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

☻There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

☻Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving."

☻You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

☻You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

☻Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes?

☻Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?

☻You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

☻Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

☻I'm good at maths, U+I=69

☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy.

☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.

☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw.

☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

☻What time do you have to be back in heaven?

☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast

☻Be unique and different, say yes.

☻Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

☻Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

☻Hi. Are you cute?

☻I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

☻I'm easy. Are you?

☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

☻Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

☻So....How am I doin'?

☻Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?

☻I think about you when I masturbate.

☻Are we related? Do you want to be?

☻Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.

☻Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee.

☻Do you know how to use a whip?

☻Excuse me, do you live around here often?

☻Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

☻Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

☻Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?

☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

☻I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...

☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

☻I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.

☻I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

☻If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

☻Like the look of your crotch.

☻Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

☻Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

☻Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

☻Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.

☻Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place.

☻Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

☻How was Heaven when you left it?

☻You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

☻Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of 'edible'.

☻I think I can die happy now, coz I've just seen a piece of heaven.

☻You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.

☻You should be someone's wife.

☻Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

☻You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up line.

☻Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

☻Is your name Gillette? ...coz you're the best a man can get.

☻If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

☻It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.