INSULTS SMS

☻You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

☻Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

☻I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

☻I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

☻I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

☻Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

☻I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!



☻You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

☻Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

☻You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

☻You! Off my planet!

☻See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

☻Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

☻Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

☻You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

☻I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

☻Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

☻Excuse me, is that your nose, or are you eating a Banana?

☻When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?

☻You're so bent you make roundabouts look straight!

☻I've seen better hands on a leper!

☻This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.

☻You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

☻I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.

☻You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.

☻So now we know why some mammals eat their children...

☻His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall
- Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen

☻There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

☻He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
- Unknown

☻A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
- Tom Shale on Robin Williams

☻If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.
- Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

☻God does not play dice with the universe.
- Albert Einstien

☻She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
- Dwight McDonald on Doris Day

☻If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- President Harry S Truman

☻Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W C Fields

☻He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
- S J Perelman on Groucho Marx

☻Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
- Abbey Hoffman

☻Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
- Don Rickles

☻Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
- Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

☻The thief of bad gags.
- Walter Winchell on Milton Berne

☻I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
- Ronald Reagan

☻He's proof that there's life after death.
- Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan

☻The only genius with an IQ of 60.
- Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol

☻He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
- Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier

☻She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them.
- Joan Rivers on Bo Derek

☻For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Bob Wells

☻Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.
- Screen Tester on Fred Astaire

☻An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf.
- Ross Perot on Dan Quayle

☻Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
- Rex Reed on Marlon Brando

☻He could start a row in an empty house
- Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise

☻When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire?
- Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger

☻Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
- George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

☻He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron.
- Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone

☻What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?
- Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

☻Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
- Shakespeare

☻A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

☻Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

☻He's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

☻Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

☻One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.

☻Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree

☻A donut short of being a cop

☻A few feathers short of a whole duck.

☻From the British Army? Are you sure you're not from the Salvation Army?

☻Which village is missing its idiot?.

☻A Titanic intellect ... In a world full of icebergs

☻A few clowns short of a circus

☻A few beads short in her rosary.

☻As a failure, you are a great success.

☻You would be out of your depth in a car park puddle.

☻As bright as Alaska in December.

☻He's several sausages short of a barbecue. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

☻He's so dense, light bends around him

☻She's one tit short of an udder

☻He'll be doing joined up writing next

☻Whose brain will be donated to science and rejected?

☻He's a day late and a dollar short.

☻All Preparation, no H

☻College letters other than I.O.U

☻The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't anywhere in sight

☻You should request a refund from your university.

☻Who's several apples short of a bunch?

☻Whose doughnut is out of jam?

SMS INSULTS MESSAGES

☻Them:
You:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

☻Them:
You: I never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception

☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

☻Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

☻Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

☻I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

☻You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

☻Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

☻Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

☻You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

☻All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

☻I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

☻You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

☻You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

☻Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

☻Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

☻You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

☻I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!

☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!

☻This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!

☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..

☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...

☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

☻Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!

☻ Do I look like a damn people person?

☻This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting

☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.

☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.

☻Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

☻Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.

☻Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

☻Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing

☻Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own

☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat

☻If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in

☻Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

☻Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

☻Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

☻Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception

☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?

☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.

☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.

☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?

☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.

☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to

☻Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

☻Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

☻He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.

☻He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

☻You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.

☻Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!

☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

☻If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.

☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.

☻Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.

☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.

☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.