Funny Questions

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
What is Satan's last name?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?
If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
How far east can you go before you're heading west?
How does a Real Estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states.
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.
If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?
What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?
Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Can you daydream at night?
Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?
Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
Can a black person join the kkk?
When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?
If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?
Who was Sadie Hawkins?
If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?
What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?
If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?
Do you yawn in your sleep?
Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why can't donuts be square?
Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?
If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?
Why do overalls have bel loops, since they are held up at the top by the straps?
Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how?
Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?
Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?
What do Greeks say when they don't understand something?
What happens if a queen gives birth to a pair of siamese twins? Who gets to be king?
Do all-boys schools have girls bathrooms? Conversely, do all-girls schools have boys bathrooms?
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
How come cats butts go up when you pet them?
What would happen to the sea's water level if every boat in the World was taken out of the water at the same time?
How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?
Why are dogs noses always wet?
If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
At what point in man's evolution did he start wiping his ass?
Do bald people get Dandruff?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Can you cry under water?
Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food, etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo and drives a car?
If you blew a bubble in space would it pop?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
How come all of the planets are spherical?
How did the first women ever to shave their legs know that the skin wouldn't just peel right off?
when a pregnant lady has twins, is there 1 or 2 umbilical cords?
Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
Why do they put holes in crackers?
Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?
What do people in China call their good plates?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Why don't woodpeckers get headaches when they slam their head on a tree all day?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If an escalotor breaks down, does it become stairs?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?
Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?
If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?
What are the handles for corn on the cob called?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?
Do your eyes change color when you die?
Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn't it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?
On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?
Can bald men get lice?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
If you undergo chemotherapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Does the postman deliver his own mail?
Why does toilet bowl cleaner only come in the color blue?
What happens when you put hand sanitizer on a place other then your hand?
Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?
Can you "stare off into space" when you're in space?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
Is "vice-versa" to a dyslexic just plain redundant?
How come you can kill a deer and put it up on your wall. but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?
Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
When you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Was Jesus a virgin when he died?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
Who coined the phrase, 'coined the phrase?'
If there were a thousand seaguls in an airplane while its flying, each weighing two pounds a piece, but they were all flying in the airplane, would the airplane weigh 2000 pounds more?
If you soak a raisin in water, does it turn back into a grape?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don't produce, get rid of, or have anythong to do with steam
What is another word for "thesaurus"?

20 Funny Questions

Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries

are getting weak?







Why does someone believe you when you say
there are four billion stars,


but check when you say the paint is wet?










Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?










Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?










Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,
but ducks when you


throw a revolver at him?









Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?










Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word
"lisp"?









If people evolved from apes, why are there
still apes?









Does a clean house indicate that there is a
broken computer in it?









Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on
sale?









Why do people constantly return to the
refrigerator with hopes that


something new to eat will have materialized?







Why do people keep running over a string a
dozen times with their vacuum


cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine
it, then put it down to


give the vacuum one more chance?










Why is it that no plastic bag will open from
the end you first try?









How do those dead bugs get into those closed
light fixtures?









Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch
something that's falling


off the table you always manage to knock
something else over?






In winter why do we try to keep the house as
warm as it was in summer


when we complained about the heat?










How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?









If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you
try doing it like your wife


told you to do it?





And obviously if at first you don't succeed,
then don't take up sky diving!

If a "Fool" and his money are soon parted,
where did the "Fool" get the money in the first place?

Funny Questions Humor Questions

I changed the last question slightly, but I haven't changed

any of the following. I'm just going to answer them:



Question: If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving

dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what

would you do?



Answer: I'd do the only ethical and moral thing: pick

up the cockroach discreetly and toss it onto my friend's

plate. That way, I won't embarrass my friend and I'd also be

doing what all religions teach us to do: share.



Q: If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly,

would you change anything about the way you are now living?



A: Yes, I would give up exercise, eat more junk food and

smoke five packs a day. I might even cheat on my wife,

knowing that I won't die for another year.



Q: What do you most strive for in your life: accomplishment,

security, love, power, excitement, knowledge or something

else?



A: I used to strive for many things, but now that I have two

young children, I strive for only two things: peace and

quiet.



Q: If you had to spend the next two years inside a small but

fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person,

whom would you like to have with you?



A: Halle Berry, of course. I would have picked my wife, but

I don't want to be selfish: Who would take care of our

children?



Q: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to

communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not

having told someone?



A: I would regret not having told my wife and children that

I truly love and appreciate my car and they'd better not

touch it.



Q: For $20,000 would you go for three months without

washing, brushing your teeth or using deodorant?



A: Yes, I would. But how much are you going to pay the

neighbors?



Q: Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if you

knew it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you

have now?



A: No, but I'd be willing to give up peace for a year.



Q: Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire.

After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to

safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it

be?



A: That's easy: my Indian passport. If there's anything

worse than watching your house on fire, it's spending a day

at the Indian embassy. A friend of mine walked in with a

full head of hair and walked out with a bald spot. I really

felt bad for her.



Q: If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose,

would you?



A: I can't think of any particular person I'd want to hurt.

But I'd definitely take the doll with me the next time I go

to the embassy.

Funny Questions

Why are there seeds in seedless watermelons?



Why are there more overweight (fat) people in the world

than starving people?



Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Isn't it sour already?



How many hours a year do we lose trying to get to an actual live human being on the phone

when we have a problem that the computer/answering system can’t solve.



Why is milk a necessary ingredient to make instant potatoes?

Is milk removed when potatoes are dehydrated?

How does one milk a potato?



Should a person with a beard wash it with soap or just use shampoo?

Should someone invent beard shampoo?



If vampires don't breath, how can they talk?



If the laws of attraction really work, why do most of the gamblers who play in Vegas lose?

They all really think the're going to win, don't they?



If psychics can really see the future, why don't they all come to Vegas and get rich gambling?



When people say that the world is getting smaller, do they mean the cans, boxes and other containers

of things we buy get smaller while the price stays the same (or sometimes increases)?

Who wants 2.4 servings of something anyway?

Stupid Questions

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it
actually turns on?

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called
a bullshit?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it
runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains
neither grapes, nor nuts?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there
a song about him?

Why is it called a "drive through" if you
have to stop?

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through
mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

Why are Softballs hard?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews,
credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio
out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the
bathroom is?

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you
plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at
least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving
a dump?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty
is an egg?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained
to the counter?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out
of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you
know the battery is dead?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green
or a lemon called a yellow?

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread
always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered
bread on top of a cat?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still
#2?

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

Where's the egg in an egg roll?

Why aren't blue berries blue?

Where is the lead in a lead pencil?

Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in
ice?

Funny Questions 3

If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?
Green Bricks?

No, glass.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9

What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?

Because it can't sit down.

If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh?

Candy.

Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle?

Neither, they both burn shorter.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

A lid.

If you have a referee in soccer, and an umpire in cricket, what do you have in bowls?

Goldfish

How can you drop and egg six feet without it breaking?

By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

a fifty cent piece, and a nickel (one is not a nickel, but the other one is).

Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are not ties. Explain this.

they are not playing each other.

Funny Questions 1

1) If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?
Green Bricks?

2) Why is 6 afraid of 7?

3) What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?

4) If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh?

5) Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle?

6) If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

7) If you have a referee in soccer, and an umpire in cricket, what do you have in bowls?

8) How can you drop and egg six feet without it breaking?

9) I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?

10) Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are not ties. Explain this.

Funny Questions 2

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

(Contributed by Randy Jewett)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

(Contributed by Kevin Allen)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness

(Contributed by Geichle)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

(Contributed by J Arkle)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.

(Contributed by Graeme Dawes)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

(Contributed by Will Sandstead)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.

(Contributed by Toh Han Shih)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What did one Zen practitioner give to another for his/her birthday?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did the birthday boy/girl respond in return?
A: You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the giver replied, "Thank you."

(Contributed by Zach Rosen)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disciple: "Master, why did Bodhidharma come from the West?"
Master: "Ask that post over there."
Disciple: "I don't understand"
Master: "Neither do I."

(Contributed by Thomas Asche)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do I become a Lama?

A: Go to a monastic university and study for twenty-five years. Begin by memorizing Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha with its commentary (500 pages or so). Then study what you have memorised by hearing lectures on it and debating the contents with other candidates until you can argue every side of every controversy equally well. Then memorise several works of Nagarjuna, along with their commentaries. Then memorise the seven treatises of Dharmakirti. In additional to that study, you must master several forms of meditation and study tantric rituals for about two or three years.

Alternatively, you can come to America and just call yourself a lama. Billions of nubile virgins will follow you everywhere and give you money.

Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?

A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.

(Contributed by mubul@aol.com )



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.